Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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