The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
