In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
