Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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