I want to have your abortion
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
