Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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