and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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