My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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