The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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