And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
