Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how can u be prego again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
