I only kidnapped one of them. chill
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
