so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
