Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My vagina is very pro this idea
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
