Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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