i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
