I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
