How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
