Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
