You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
