My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
