I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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