so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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