Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
