I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
