dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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