Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
