I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
