508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
