Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
