New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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