ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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