First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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