I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
