Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
