For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
