I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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