i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
