i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
