My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
