Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
