I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
