you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
