dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
