Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it penis luge time yet?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
