These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
