Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
