those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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