Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
