It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
