i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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