and she was petting her beer can
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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