she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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