Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
