$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
