Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
