I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize