In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
