I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
