but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
