Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
