My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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