I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he puts the penis in happiness.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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