he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
