I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
