Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
