At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
