If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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