i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
