I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
