She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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