I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
