Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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