I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
