I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
